


Smile for me

by Windfighter



Series: 100 SSSS-fics [14]
Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Gen, Sorry Emil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 12:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windfighter/pseuds/Windfighter
Summary: The crew has found a place to camp for a while, close to both buildings and a forest. But something seems wrong with Emil and Sigrun has no idea how to solve it.





	Smile for me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "smile"

Sigrun looked at her tiny viking. He had his eyes glued to the inedible sludge Mikkel had cooked up for dinner and didn't notice her staring. Something had changed in him since their mission started, she wasn't sure what it was. He put the bowl down and got back inside the tank. Mikkel looked curiously after him, and Sigrun looked at Mikkel, her eyes filled with questions. Mikkel shrugged and Sigrun let out a sigh.

Farm-boy and Fuzzy-head was chattering away about something in Icelandic and since she couldn't understand them anyway she turned her attention towards the sludge. A bad decision she found out. Focusing on it only made it even more terrible to taste.

"Mikkel, you have to start making better food!"

"This is the best I can do with what we have. If you got some hunting done then maybe I will be able to prepare a better meal."

Sigrun looked at him, tried to determine how serious he was.

"Like I would trust you to be able to fix a deer!"

"I did not specify deer."

"What, you gonna cook squirrel or something?"

Mikkel didn't say anything. Sigrun finished the last in her bowl and got up, tapping fuzzy-head on her shoulder.

"I'm gonna need your cousin to head out again tonight. Think you can tell him?"

"Uhm... s-sure, but... Don't we already have four more locations to check out?"

"Yeah, gonna need him to look for animal tracks. We need some real food."

Fuzzy-head nodded and Sigrun entered the tank, found her right hand viking on his bed, where he looked at mage-boy.

"You still thinking about the cats?"

"...no."

Sigrun let out a sigh and settled down beside him. He didn't look at her, his eyes still on the stick figure beneath fuzzy-head's bed.

"Look, animals die, people die. It's sad, but we have to move on."

Emil didn't answer.

"We need to focus on our mission, there will be time for grieving them later."

"...I'm not..."

He let out a sigh, but didn't finish the sentence. Sigrun shook her head and put a hand on his shoulder, but took it off just a second later. It felt wrong.

"I'm not good at this, Emil. Just cheer up, okay."

He nodded. She leaned forward to catch his eyes, but he didn't focus on her, looking like he was lost in another world. She got up, left the room.

"Mikkel, you take care of him, I don't know how to handle people being down!"

Mikkel didn't answer, instead he continued with the dishes and Sigrun sank down in the drivers seat. Fuzzy-head came inside, Sigrun could hear her shaking her cousin awake, and just moments after the two of them joined her. Stick-boy yawned, but looked alert when she pulled out the map, showing him where she though would be the best places to search for animals. He nodded, pulled on his cap and left the tank. The rest of them would go to sleep as soon as Mikkel was done with the dishes.

 

"Emil, you require energy in order to get the books."

Emil shook his head as he put the band with explosives around his waist. Mikkel held out the bowl towards him, but Emil ignored it.

"I'm not hungry."

"Maybe not, but you still need to eat."

"You done in here?"

Sigrun poked her head through the door and looked at Emil and Mikkel. Mikkel looked away from Emil for a second to see who was disturbing them and Emil took that second to slip away and join his captain. Sigrun patted his back.

"You ready?"

Emil nodded. Sigrun looked at him. He didn't have that worried glance his eyes used to get in the beginning of the mission. She should feel proud for having taught him that there was nothing to worry about, but instead she felt like she had failed him in some way. She heard Mikkel's step behind them and waved to him.

"We're off, see ya later!"

She tugged at Emil's jacket and he started follow her through the ruins of the city. He didn't say anything, but that wasn't very much out of the ordinary. But she found that she missed the tiny noices he used to make; the huffs when she walked a bit too fast, the tiny yelps when he almost slipped on a loose rock.

"Don't worry Emil, this will be a breeze! It's another crap building, so there's no trolls or anything."

Emil didn't answer. Sigrun threw a quick glance in his direction. His eyes was a bit cloudy, and she realised he didn't hear a word she said. She stopped infront of him, put her hands at her side and he stopped, looked at her feet.

"Emil, you need to be focused. Even if there's no trolls the building could collaps and you should be ready for it."

"No worries."

"You sure?"

He nodded, looked at her. His eyes still not shining like they used to and she wasn't completely convinced, but decided to trust him anyway. She let out a sigh.

"Alright then, hurry up. We're almost there."

Still no sounds from him, only the sound of rock against rock as his feet moved over them. She made the same noice when she walked. He waited for her to open the door and she knew something big was missing him, like he had lost part of his hopes and dreams. There was nothing she could say.

The doors creeked as she opened them. 90 years of rust. She gestured for him to follow her, an unnecessary movement since he was more docile than he had been during the whole trip. Maybe Mikkel had been right in worrying a little. They started searching the building, side by side. Books turned to dust in their hands, but Emil no longer flinched when it happened. Sigrun started getting impatient. She wasn't used to working with people like this.

They continued through the rooms, finding little of value. Finally found a room that had sturdier walls, that had held moisture at bay a little better. There was a locker in there, made out of metal, and Sigrun drew her knife. Carefully opened the locker. Books. She gave Emil thumbs up and he pulled the bag off his shoulder, went up to her side and helped her pack the books. When they were done he pulled the bags up again, once again put them on his shoulder.

Sigrun blinked. He didn't even say anything about them being heavy, he didn't seem happy about the treasure they had just found. He just waited for her, his eyes still cloudy.

Sigrun slapped him.

 

Mikkel looked at them as they came back. Sigrun's face was red from exertion, she was carrying both the bookfilled bags herself. One of Emil's cheeks was also read, but from completely different reasons. Mikkel looked between the two off them as Sigrun put the bags down next to Mikkel, refusing blatantly to look at Emil. Mikkel wasn't sure how to react.

"Did... Did something happen?"

"No, _nothing_ happened."

He could tell she was upset. Emil stood still a little bit behind her, his eyes on the ground. Mikkel looked at him, pondering if he should ask the Swede for clarification.

"You have to _do_ something!"

Sigrun's voice again and Mikkel turned back to their captain.

"About what, exactly?"

"I. Don't. Know."

She left them, went to the other side of the tank and Mikkel turned to Emil instead. There was something in his eyes and Mikkel got up.

"Emil, are you unharmed?"

Emil nodded, lifted a hand to get rid of the tears that threatened to fall. Mikkel put a hand on his shoulder, smiled towards him.

"Let's get you decontaminated, and then I'll prepare some tea for you. Tea can cure lots of things."

Emil didn't look towards him, but he didn't protest either, and Mikkel started the decontamination process, the young Swede assisting as well as he could. Once done Emil went into the sleeping quarter, settled down on his bed. He looked at Lalli who was sleeping under Tuuri's bed again, but didn't move. Mikkel came in a couple minutes later, giving him a cup with warm tea. Emil accepted the cup and Mikkel left the young man alone again, needing to prepare dinner for them. Emil wrapped his hands around the cup and looked into it, but didn't drink.

 

"I'm going crazy."

Mikkel didn't answer his captain's words. She walked in circles around him as she continued fuming about her tiny viking. Mikkel knew there was nothing he could say, she wouldn't listen.

"He's not protesting, he doesn't complain, he follows orders. What kind of person _does_ that?!"

Mikkel shrugged and Sigrun continued her rant.

"Certainly not you, that's for sure."

Mikkel smiled as he remembered the mutiny-list, but didn't ask Sigrun about it. Sigrun stopped, turned around and continued walking around him in the other direction.

"I just don't get it! It's like... Like he's not even _there_ any longer!"

She stopped. Looked at Mikkel. Slowly repeated the last words.

"Not even there..."

Mikkel looked at her while stirring the food. She turned her eyes towards the ground, once again repeating the words.

"...Sigrun? It worries me deeply when you seem like you are thinking about something."

"I'm not, it's just..."

She scratched her chin. Looked at Mikkel. Looked towards the tank.

"Hey, farm-boy!"

"Sigrun, Reynir only speaks icelandic."

Sigrun muttered something about the useless crew being impossible to work with. Mikkel knew she didn't mean it and therefore didn't correct her. She walked to the tank, went inside it. Tuuri and Reynir was sitting in the front seats, chatting away in icelandic again. Sigrun waited for them to notice her.

"Farm-boy, I've got a mission for you."

Reynir tilted his head and when Tuuri translated he looked even more confused.

"A mission?"

"Yes, I need your help. You're a mage, aren't you?"

"Y-yes?"

"I need you to find Emil's fylgja."

"What?"

Sigrun repeated her request once more, slower. Tuuri translated it, not really knowing what fylgja was. Reynir shook his head.

"It doesn't work like that."

"Make it work like that."

She turned her back towards Reynir and walked out of the tank again. Mikkel looked curiously at her as he filled up a bowl and handed her, before calling into the tank that dinner was ready. Tuuri called out for Emil and Lalli, and just a few seconds later Tuuri, Lalli and Reynir emerged from the tank, took some food. Sigrun muttered about irresponsible vikings and after Mikkel had served everyone he took the remaining two bowls, filled them up and went inside. He stopped by his medical equipment, put something in one of the bowls and then walked into the sleeping chamber. He noticed the cup of tea in Emil's lap, put down his bowl off food and took the cup, giving Emil the bowl instead.

"You should eat up."

Emil didn't answer. Mikkel put the still full cup next to the door, before settling down on the floor infront of Emil. Emil didn't look at him and Mikkel studied the Swede in silence for a while.

"When was the last time you ate?"

Emil shrugged. Mikkel let out a sigh.

"Do you know where you are?"

A stupid question and Mikkel knew it, but had to ask just to find out exactly how out of focus the young man was. Emil shrugged again.

"Okay... Can you at least tell me your name?"

Finally Emil looked at him. Mikkel let out a sigh of relief, even if Emil didn't answer the question. Emil's eyes was unfocused, and Mikkel put his bowl down, held a finger infront of Emil, asking the younger boy to follow it with his eyes. No movement. Mikkel settled down again.

"Emil, you should really eat up, it will do you good. If you do not eat I am afraid I will have to force feed you."

Emil turned his eyes down again. Mikkel waited for him to move.

"I am not going to leave until you finish your food."

"...not hungry."

Mikkel let out another sigh of relief. The Swede was still able to communicate.

"I do not care about that, you are going to eat whether you are hungry or not."

Emil's fingers held the bowl a little harder and Mikkel knew he was thinking about just letting it fall to the floor. Well, maybe not so much thinking. Emil just held the bowl while Mikkel continued to look at him.

"If you eat a little you will get enough energy to throw it out", Mikkel tried. Still no movement. Mikkel got up from the floor, settled down next to Emil and took the bowl from him.

"Last chance."

Still no movement. He looked at the food. He didn't really want to do this. He shoved the spoon into the tuna-soup, blowed a little on it to cool the soup off and then held it towards Emil's lips. Emil very slowly parted them, and Mikkel dropped off the food inside his mouth. For a second he thought Emil was just gonna spit it out again, but he swallowed it. Mikkel gave him another spoonfull, and another. And another. When half the bowl was emptied Emil suddenly yawned. Mikkel put the spoon down, got up from the bed and carefully pushed Emil over, draping a blanket over him. Emil yawned again, closed his eyes.

Mikkel grabbed his own bowl, as well as the tea cup, and left the Swede to sleep. The others looked at him as he came back outside and settled down, but no one asked anything. Tuuri, Reynir and Lalli was chatting, not that Lalli did much of the talking, and Sigrun were shrugging her nose towards his food as usual. He settled down next to her, poured out Emil's soup into the ground before eating his own. Sigrun looked curiously at him.

"Sleeping meds", Mikkel explained and motioned for the empty bowl.

"Should we really waste meds like that?"

"It was not really wasting since he has not slept much for some time now. He needed the rest."

"Wait, so you knew why he was acting all weird and stuff?"

Mikkel shook his head.

"There is most likely more going on than I know about, the only thing I can do is make sure he gets enough food and sleep, the rest is up to him."

"So what, you fed him?"

Mikkel didn't answer and Sigrun laughed.

"You did, didn't you?"

Still no answer and she patted his back.

"Hope it'll help our little viking then."

"I am certain it will."

 

Sigrun lead Emil away from their camping ground before Mikkel could stop them. He followed her quietly, not complaining about how the ground was still wet or how it was too early to go out. Mikkel had said the sleep would help, but so far it didn't seem like it. He didn't even say anything about her leading him in the wrong direction.

She gestured for him to follow her quietly, an unnecessary gesture since he was already doing it, but Sigrun wanted to feel in controll. Both of them crouched and she led him forward, seperating a few branches of a bush. Deers. She looked at Emil as he noticed them, waited for his eyes to light up and the smile to appear on his face. Emil's eyes wandered over the deers in the opening and he settled down on his knees, grabbing his gun. No smile, no light, just... more clouds. Sigrun groaned, loudly enough for the deers to hear and they looked around. Sigrun and Emil held their breath.

After what felt like an eternity the deers returned to grazing and Sigrun let go of the branches. Emil looked at her, awaiting further instructions. She looked at the leaves on the bush, her eyes gathering every tiny detail of them. She had brought him for the hunt, that was true, and even without orders Emil had understood it. She wanted him to protest, eventhough she was certain he knew just as well as the rest of them that they would need to hunt deers eventually. Deers or anything else they stumbled over.

Emil still waited, he lowered his gun a little. Sigrun turned to him, not really sure what came over her.

"What will it take to get you to _smile_ again?!"

She got up, turned her back to the deers and walked back the same way they had taken to get there. It took almost half a minute until she heard Emil's hurried steps trying to catch up to her, but she didn't lower her speed. He caught up when they were halfway back, his gun already back in the holster. Sigrun's fists were clenched, she stomped at the ground as she walked. She could hear Emil tripping over his own feet while trying to keep up with her and then there was no sound at all.

Sigrun stopped. Pondered for a while if she should turn around. Took a couple more steps. Emil didn't follow. Sigrun turned around, looked at her right hand viking.

Emil was lying on the ground. His face hidden in his arms and Sigrun walked back to him. His body was shaking and she crouched infront of him.

"...you alright?"

His body stopped moving. She heard him breathing quickly, trying to force himself to breathe slower but ended up breathing even quicker. Then he nodded. She waited, and he collected himself. His eyes were red and puffy and for the first time in weeks Sigrun managed to actually catch them. He lifted his dirty hand to dry them up, but she stopped him.

"Believe me, getting dirt in your eyes won't help."

He sniffled, nodded. Still looked into her eyes. She pulled him up into a sitting position and settled down beside him.

"Want to tell me what it is?"

His eyes were clouding up again. He shook his head and Sigrun laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Emil, bottling everything up won't help anyone."

He didn't move and she knew she had lost him again. She looked at him. At least now she knew he was still in there. She got up again, Emil followed and they walked back to the tank again. Mikkel crossed his arms over his chest when he noticed them.

"Would you care to tell me where you have been?"

"Come on, _mom_ , we were only out for a walk."

Sigrun walked past Mikkel and he grabbed her by the collar and pulled her back.

"You are not going inside until you've been decontaminated."

"Aah, you and your darn protocol!"

She flailed her arms a little, trying to get him to release her, but he didn't.

"Emil, save your captain!"

Emil didn't move, his eyes on the ground again, and Sigrun let out a sigh.

"Fine, just get it over with. Unless you're ready to head out for a hunt, Emil?"

Still no movement. Sigrun pulled free from Mikkel's grip.

"Fine, I'll hunt by myself. We still need meat after all!"

She waved, turned around and left them. She could feel Mikkel looking at her back as she walked away and tried to keep straight until she was out of view. Then she kicked a rock. She kicked a stick. Kicked another rock. Took up a rock and threw it into the trees. Her field of vision was growing smaller and she stopped, lifted a hand to rub her eyes. It was wet and she looked at her hand, clenched it.

"Stupid Mikkel and stupid Emil and stupid Silent World and stupid _everything_ and..."

She kicked another rock into the bushes.

"...and stupid me."

She looked into the trees, not really looking at them, and clenched her fists by her sides. She felt like punching something, but knew that wouldn't solve anything and would only damage her. She didn't know how long she had stood there, but the forest got brighter and brighter, and then she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Sigrun, feeling frustration is okay, and it is also okay to ask for help when you need it."

Mikkel. Sigrun groaned.

"What do you know?"

"Quite a lot if I may say so myself. Do you want to talk about it?"

Sigrun shook her head.

"I've got food to hunt, no time for silly talks now!"

"It is not..."

Mikkel let out a sigh.

"Very well, may I accompany you? I can promise I will not interrupt or disturb your hunting."

Sigrun dried her eyes before turning towards Mikkel. She put her hands to her sides, leaned a bit to the left and tilted her head, as if to consider her options. Having the medic out on the field was never a good idea, but so wasn't going out into uncleansed areas by yourself.

"Where's Emil?"

"Sleeping."

"More sleeping med?"

Mikkel nodded and Sigrun shook her head again.

"I swear, you're drugging him just so I'll take you along. Fine, you may accompany me."

She turned again, led the way, and Mikkel followed her. She was surprised by how quietly he managed to move, and how he actually stopped when she gestured for him to do so. He still was no viking, she thought as she remembered how he hit Emil instead of the troll, but he had after all been part of the military. Of course he knew how it worked in the field.

They had to walk for a couple of hours before they finally spotted the deers again. They made sure to stay downwind from them so the deers couldn't smell them, and moved quietly, not exchanging any words. Mikkel looked away as Sigrun shot one of the deers. Not the largest one, that would have been bad for the recovering population, but not the skinniest one either, they needed food after all. The other deers rushed away as their dead companion fell to the ground. Sigrun took aim to shoot one more of them, but decided against it.

"We should set some traps in the vicinity and stay here a while to fill up our pantry", she commented.

Mikkel nodded and Sigrun hit him lightly in the side.

"You're from a farm, aren't you used to seeing animals get killed? You didn't flinch with moma cat."

"That was entirely different and just because I am used to it does not mean that I enjoy it."

She thought he looked kind of hurt and patted his back.

"Just teasing you. Let's get this deer back. You know how to prepare it?"

Mikkel nodded again, got up and threw the deer over his shoulders, leading the way back. Sigrun quickly followed him and when they came to the tank Tuuri quickly joined them.

"Sigrun! Reynir says there's nothing wrong with Emil's fylgja. At least not that he could see."

"Yeah, figured that after this morning." She ruffled Tuuri's hair. "How is he? Still asleep?"

"He woke up about an hour ago."

Sigrun looked at Mikkel who shrugged.

"I did not give him very much, I guess it has worn off already."

Tuuri looked between the two of them, made a move as if to question but decided against it. Sigrun hit her in the back.

"You or your cousin know how to prepare deer? Or you wanna learn? I'm gonna show Mikkel anyway, feel free to join us."

"M-maybe. I'll go ask Lalli."

Tuuri disappeared inside the tank again and Sigrun and Mikkel started preparing the deer. They'd finally get some real food again.

 

Sigrun yawned, stretched and jumped out of the bed. She almost landed on Reynir, but managed to steer her feet away from him in the last second. She saw movements in Emil's bed and looked over there. The pillow had fallen down, grabbed by Reynir who was hugging it, and instead Lalli had taken its place, slowly pulling his fingers through Emil's hair. Lalli didn't look towards her, he rarely did, probably considered her a crazy lady, but Emil's eyes met hers for just a second.

There was light in them. She smiled towards him and he closed his eyes again. She kicked Mikkel awake and left the sleeping quarter. Mikkel and Reynir joined her outside a couple minutes later, and Tuuri after another five minutes. She leaned back, looked at the stars above them. The sun would soon rise.

"Mikkel, you feel like coming along to get books today?"

Mikkel looked up from the tea he was preparing and looked curiously at Sigrun.

"Are you not going to bring Emil along? I mean, I would of course gladly accompany you, but do you not prefer for me to stay here?"

Sigrun looked curiously back at Mikkel. This thing with Emil apparently affected him in some ways she couldn't understand. Maybe he had seen something like it before? She shook her head.

"Nah, Emil can stay and rest today, we're heading back to the crap building anyway, so it should be safe enough to bring you along."

She turned towards Reynir and Tuuri, gesturing towards the forest.

"How about you two go check the traps Lalli put out tonight? I'm sure there's nothing caught yet, but it doesn't hurt to check on them."

Tuuri looked at Sigrun, looked at Reynir and then looked at Sigrun again, gesturing towards herself and Reynir.

"...the two of us? But... I mean, sure, why not? Of course we can do that! Eeee, Reynir, isn't this exciting?"

"I don't even know what just happened!"

Reynir looked scared and curious and Sigrun smiled, drank the tea Mikkel offered her together with the bread.

"Emil, are you going to eat?" Mikkel called into the tank.

No answer, but after a while Emil exited the tank, rubbing his eyes. He held out his hand and Mikkel gave him a bit bread and a cup of tea. Emil waited a while.

"...Lalli too."

"Oh, I apologise, I forgot myself a little there", Mikkel said and gave Emil another cup and a little more bread. Emil nodded thanks and went back inside. They heard him saying something to Lalli and Tuuri was about to call and say that Lalli doesn't understand Swedish, but Sigrun stopped her.

"Let them be."

They finished breakfast in silence, and then the four of them got ready to head out, Reynir taking their kitten in one of his pockets. Tuuri explained to Emil and Lalli where they were heading and Lalli looked a little at her, as if he didn't approve of it, but Sigrun pulled her away before he was able to protest.

"They'll be back before you know it, scout-boy!"

She saw a small smile on Emil's lips before she left the tank. Things were finally starting to look better again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> No idea what I was thinking when I wrote this but eh


End file.
